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Opening few paragraphs of my book. Your honest opinion.?

Hi, I have always wanted to write a fantasy novel and i decided to start today. I wont go into the full storyline but the opening section is a girl waking up in the woods with no concept of where or who she is. Could you please have a read fr me and give me some honest feedback please? Here we go: She stumbled and fell, scraping her hands and bare legs on the rough forest floor. She tried to cry out, but no sound would leave her throat. She did not know where she was. Had no concept of what was happening to her. Her head pounded with the overwhelming effort of trying to construct a single legible thought. “I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm frightened.“ Even these most basic of thought processes were a struggle to her, as if it was the first time she has ever thought them. In a sense, this was indeed the case. The darkness was momentarily broken by a flash of lightning. For the briefest of moments she could make out a trail. As quickly as it left, the blackness returned,. She tried to stand but her legs gave out, leaving her sprawled on the cold forest floor. She tried to think. “I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm frightened... I'm going to die.” This new thought shocked her. She didn't understand it. “I'm going to die.” She played with it over and over, feeling out the words with her mind. The words had a weight to them. They seemed important. They seemed absolute. “I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.” Another bolt of agony in her head. She was going to die. Just to expand a little. Like i said its a fantasy. The story starts as a young girl with no concept of who she is. She hasnt really woken up she has been created and this is more like her birth. She is unable to speak the entire book and is unable to think particularly fluidly and acts like a child. She isnt actually the main protagonist, although she will be linked to him. This is just the prologue. Its hard to explain without writing loads and its getting late but thats where im going

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NOt much of a protagonist if she never learns to speak. But then who knows what you have in mind.

Posted on Nov 03, 2017


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