How do we get a 2006 Uplander to stop chiming?

What is it chiming ? Chimes for different reasons , headlamps on , seat belt not buckled , etc.... What warning light is lit on the instrument cluster ? if any . seat belt , air bag's etc...

Audible Warnings Description and Operation
The audible warnings alert the driver of a system concern or a critical vehicle condition. The following lists the audible warning priority and the pulse rate:
Fast rate chime (200 pulses per minute)
Medium rate chime (150 pulses per minute)
Slow rate chime (50 pulses per minute)
Single chime
Fasten Safety Belt Warning
The inflatable restraint sensing and diagnostic module (SDM) activates the fasten safety belt audible warning for 5-8 seconds. The fasten safety belt warning sounds and the fasten seat belt indicator illuminates when the following occurs:
• The ignition switch is in RUN, BULB TEST, or START position.
• The SDM detects that the driver's seat belt is not buckled (signal is low).
If the seat belt is buckled before the ignition is in RUN, BULB TEST, or START position, the chime does not sound. If the seat belt is buckled while the chime is sounding, the chime stops.
Key-In-Ignition Warning
The instrument panel cluster (IPC) activates the key-in-ignition audible warning. The key-in-ignition warning sounds when the following occurs:
• The ignition switch is in OFF, LOCK, or ACCY position.
• The body control module (BCM) determines that the driver's door is open (signal is low).
• The BCM determines that the key-in-ignition switch is closed (signal is low).
Lights On Warning
The instrument panel cluster (IPC) activates the lights on audible warning. The lights on warning sounds when the following occurs:
• The key is not in the ignition.
• The body control module (BCM) determines that the drivers door is open (signal is low).
• The BCM determines that the headlamp switch is in the park or head position.
Rear Parking Assist
The rear object sensor control module activates the audible warning. The audible warning sounds whenever any of the indicators are illuminated on the rear parking assist display. For a description of the rear parking assist system refer to Object Detection Description and Operation.
Turn Signal Reminder
The instrument panel cluster (IPC) sounds the turn signal reminder once per each flash of the turn signal lamps when:
• The ignition switch is in the RUN position.
• The turn signal switch is in either turn position, sensing, within 1 second, an open to B+ transition in the turn signal control circuit (left or right turn).
• The vehicle has traveled a distance of 1.2 km (0.75 mi) by counting pulses on the vehicle speed input circuit.
The IPC turns off the turn signal reminder when either the ignition switch is turned to the LOCK position or to the OFF position, or the turn signal switch returns to the OFF position, sensing, within 1 second, no transitions from open to B+ in either of the turn signal control circuits (left turn or right turn).
Additional Chimes
The following chimes will turn on when an associated indicator turns on in the instrument panel cluster (IPC):
• Low Fuel Indicator
• Low Oil Pressure Indicator
• OVER SPEED indicator
For a description of an indicator refer to Indicator/Warning Message Description and Operation.
For diagnosis of an indicator refer to Symptoms - Instrument Panel, Gages and Console.

Your have a problem with one of these systems , your best bet , take it to a qualified repair shop. They would do diagnostic's to find the problem .

Do any indicators illuminate when the chime sounds?
Go to Symptoms - Instrument Panel, Gages and Console
Go to Step 3
3
Turn the ignition OFF.
Remove the key from the ignition.
Turn the headlamp switch to OFF.
Close all of the vehicle doors.
Open one or more of the vehicle doors
Does the chime sound at all times regardless if the doors are open or closed?
Go to Step 15
Go to Step 4
4
Close all of the vehicle doors.
With a scan tool, observe the LF Door Ajar Switch parameter and the RF Door Ajar Switch parameter in the instrument panel cluster BCM/Inputs data list.
Do all of the Door Ajar Switch parameters display Door Closed?

With a scan tool, observe the Left Rear Door Ajar Sw. parameter and the Right Rear Door Sw. parameter in the instrument panel cluster BCM/Inputs data list.
Do all of the Rear Door Switch parameters display Closed?

This is a 21 step diagnostic trouble shooting flow chart .